【新闻周刊图集】千奇百怪的搞笑商机

Unusual enterprises and the people who run them

不同寻常的生意经和生意人们

By Nausheen Husain, Tania Barnes, and Vivian Doskow

撰文：Nausheen Husain，Tania Barnes和Vivian Doskow

Not every business that booms is, uh, a typical one. In fact, entire cottage industries exist for finicky consumers who don't want mass-produced products or for specific jobs that the ordinary company cannot handle. From murder-scene (pictured) cleaners to virtual-dating assistants, NEWSWEEK takes a look at the colorful world of unconventional businesses and some of the people who run them.

犄角旮旯有商机。以家庭手工业为例，正是因为挑剔的消费者不信赖大规模工业化生产的产品，或存在一般公司没法接受的特定工作，这才催生了该产业的存在。从凶案现场清洁到虚拟约会协助，千奇百怪的生意经无处不在，下面《新闻周刊》将带您一睹这些光怪陆离的非传统商业和经营这些买卖的生意人。

Doll Hospitals

玩偶医院

Courtesy of The Doll Hospital, Spring, Texas

图片来源：The Doll Hospital/斯普林（Spring）/德克萨斯

Hey, they exist. In fact, every patient that is carried into A Doll Hospital in Old Town Spring, Texas, gets a hospital-bed number to help track its treatment. "Doctor" Mary Ann Pizzolato, the woman behind the shop, repairs and restores dolls that have been ripped apart by pets, accidentally dropped, burned in home fires, or damaged in hurricanes. Pizzolato has been a doll doctor for 25 years. She has a background in chemical engineering, but was inspired to repair dolls and stuffed animals by her mother, whom she calls a "handy lady." Charging from $25 for a basic cleaning to thousands for porcelain toy repairs, Pizzolato and her staff of three to six people work their restoration magic, which she says is a delight.

您别不信，还真有这样的医院存在。到德克萨斯斯普林老城这家玩偶医院就医的每位“病人”都能拿到一个医院病床号，以便对“治疗”效果进行跟踪调查。经营这家医院的玛丽·安·皮佐拉朵（Mary Ann Pizzolato）是“主治医生”，她专门修复和收藏那些被宠物扯坏、不慎跌坏、因家庭火灾或飓风损坏的玩具。皮佐拉朵干这一行已经有25年了。她本是化学工程师出身，在有着“手工女王”之称的母亲的影响下，渐渐爱上了修理玩具和填充动物的手工活。玩具清洗这样的基本服务收费为25美元，而更复杂的瓷质玩具修复则要价不菲，皮佐拉朵和她的几位员工利用自己神奇的修复“医术”在创造个人财富的同时，也从中获得了乐趣。

Gum Removal Specialists

Courtesy of GumBusters.com

图片来源：GumBusters.com

There are several variations of these specialists across the country, but the best-known among them is the GumBusters company, which cleans up sticky messes using technology developed by a Dutch chemist in 1998. Their method has three parts: steam to soften the gum; cover with nontoxic Gumfighter solution ("You could practically drink it," Anthony Mule, the executive director of GumBusters of New York and New Jersey, says) to dissolve it; and use a brass or nylon brush to loosen particles. The GumBuster process uses less water than power cleaning and is more effective than freezing, says Mule. It has blasted gum from the bleachers at the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center, home of the U.S. Open championships, to the hallowed halls of New York City's Gershwin Theater. And while GumBusters can't take on small jobs like that piece of gum in your carpet, you can buy the equipment yourself--if you've got some $6,000 to spare--and start your own franchise.

其实在美国，专职清理口香糖垃圾的专家并不少，但其中最著名的则当属GumBusters公司了。GumBusters公司用来清理口香糖顽渍的方法是一位荷兰化学家在1998年发明的，主要有三个步骤：首先是蒸汽软化污渍，然后洒上无毒的去污溶剂（据公司执行总裁安东尼·穆勒介绍说，这种溶剂绝对无害，你甚至可以直接喝下去）进行溶解，最后用铜刷或尼龙刷将口香糖刷掉。穆勒表示，他们所使用的这套方法比强力冲洗省水，比冷冻法更有效。从美网举办地美国网联比莉·简·金国家网球中心（USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center）的看台到纽约葛希文剧院（Gershwin Theater）的空旷大厅，GumBusters公司清理过的口香糖垃圾不计其数。虽然该公司不接小活，但如果你想弄掉黏在地毯上的口香糖污渍，可以购买他们的工具亲自动手；如果你愿意投入6000美元，甚至还可以开个加盟店。

Giant-Bunny Breeders

巨型兔子饲养员

Courtesy of Gentle Giant Rabbitry

图片来源：Gentle Giant Rabbitry

Looking more like Wallace and Gromit's nightmarishly overgrown Were-Rabbit than, say, Peter Rabbit, giant bunnies have a personality that belies their appearance. Friendly and curious, they are nicknamed "gentle giants" and bred both for house pets and for show, all across the United States. Donald Wilson and his wife, Lisa, are among the few breeders in the state of Florida (giant bunnies don't handle heat well). They keep their animals--including grand champions of the Central Florida Rabbit Breeders Show--in an air-conditioned barn, and take them out often to stretch their giant limbs on a dog run. Wilson says people who visit often remark, "I wish I had it that good."

这种巨大的兔子看上去和可爱的彼得兔一点也不沾边，相反它更像是超级无敌掌门狗（Wallace and Gromit）上的那只生长过度的怪诞人兔（Were-Rabbit）。这种绰号被叫作“温柔巨人”的兔子正风靡美国，它们拥有和外表完全不相称的性格，友好且充满好奇心，既可以当作家庭宠物来饲养，也能用来展示。唐纳德·威尔逊和丽莎夫妇是佛罗里达州为数不多的几位巨型兔饲养者之一（巨型兔不适应炎热的气候）。他们将这些巨型兔子放在带空调的车库中饲养，还经常带它们出去溜达，活动活动它们巨大的四肢。威尔逊饲养的这几只巨型兔子中有几只曾拿过中佛罗里达兔子饲养员大赛（Central Florida Rabbit Breeders Show）的冠军，他说那些来参观兔子的人经常评论说，“真希望自己也能把兔子养得这么好。”

Pet-Casket Makers

宠物棺材制造商

Courtesy of Hoegh Pet Casket Co.

图片来源：Hoegh Pet Casket Co.

"We're the only company that manufactures pet caskets exclusively," says Jeanne Hoegh, who runs Hoegh Pet Casket Co. with her husband, Dennis. Formed in 1966, the company specializes solely in manufacturing caskets and urns made out of high-impact styrene plastic. The Great Recession hasn't really affected their business, they say. Last year, they sold about 18,000 caskets and 4,500 urns. The Hoeghs even offer a daily tour of their factory, averaging 10 visitors a week. Hoegh says the work doesn't get too depressing, either since they sell to humane societies, vet clinics, pet cemeteries, and pet crematoria, not to grieving pet owners.

“我们是唯一一家专门生产宠物棺材的公司，”赫伊宠物棺材公司的老板珍妮·赫伊（Jeanne Hoegh）说，她和自己的丈夫丹尼斯一起经营着这家公司。赫伊宠物棺材公司创办于1966年，专门利用高冲压的苯乙烯塑料制造宠物棺材和骨灰盒。经济衰退并没有影响到他们的生意，去年他们一共卖出了18000个宠物棺材和4500个骨灰盒。赫伊夫妇甚至还安排了工厂的日常参观活动，一周平均接待10位参观者。赫伊表示这份工作并不会使人太压抑，因为他们的产品是出售给动物保护协会、宠物医院、宠物墓园和宠物火葬场的，并不是直接面向悲伤的宠物主人。

Isolation-Tank Manufacturers

浮箱制造商

Courtesy of Samadhi Tank Co.

图片来源：Samadhi Tank Co.

Need to get rid of stress or relieve some pain? Get a flotation tank. The tanks are slightly larger than a twin-sized bed, filled with 10 inches of body-temperature water and about 800 pounds of Epsom salts. They were invented in the 1950s by Dr. John Lily to test sensory deprivation. It turns out they're as helpful for deep meditation, rejuvenation, rest, stress relief and to ease pain. Samadhi Tank Co. began selling them in the '70s, and according to Lee Perry, who's been running the company with her partner, Glenn, since then, business is starting to spike. "With the amount of stress that people are under, considering the economy, many are looking for respite," Perry says.

想摆脱压力缓解疼痛吗？你可以去试试浮箱。浮箱的面积比双人床稍大，里面装有齐膝深的温水，水中溶解了360公斤的浴盐。上世纪50年代，约翰·莉莉（John Lily）为了检验感官剥夺（sensory deprivation）而发明了这种浮箱。事实证明，浮箱有助于深入冥想、恢复活力、休息、压力缓解和舒缓疼痛。三昧浮箱公司（Samadhi Tank Co.）从上世纪70年代开始销售这种浮箱，据经营者李·佩里（Lee Perry）介绍说，公司的业务现在正在蒸蒸日上。“经济不景气，很多生活在压力之中的人希望能借此喘口气，”佩里说。

Murder-Scene Cleaners

犯罪现场清理员

Courtesy of Amdecon Inc.

图片来源：Amdecon Inc.

The crime-scene cleaner is part janitor, part carpenter, and part psychologist. After the "CSI" teams comb a murder scene for evidence, the "CTS Decon" (crime-scene-trauma decontamination) teams move in, scrubbing splattered walls, cutting out pieces of blood-stained ceilings, or ripping up carpet to uncover fluids that may have seeped through to the floorboards. Of course, the job requires delicate interactions with grieving family members who are often footing the bill for the cleanup. And, unfortunately, business is consistent. That's why Michael Tillman's Amdecon Inc. has grown from a small Dallas-area CTS Decon shop to a chain with branches across the U.S. "You can't think about what you're doing when you walk into a house," Tillman told the Maryland Daily Record last year. "There's no getting used it."

犯罪现场清理员需要身兼数职，他们既是清洁工，又是木匠，还是心理学家。热播剧集《CSI》中的调查小组善于对谋杀现场细细梳理以寻找犯罪证据，而现实中的“犯罪现场创伤消除（crime-scene-trauma decontamination：CTS Decon）”小组的工作则是破坏现场，他们会将污渍横飞的墙壁刷洗干净，割去被鲜血沾染的部分天花板，或撕开地毯将渗到地板上的污液抹掉。当然，这项工作还需要同悲伤的受害者家属作细致的沟通，因为他们才是为清理费买单的人。遗憾的是，在商言商，挣钱才是商人本性，这也是为什么迈克尔·蒂尔曼（Michael Tillman）的Amdecon公司会从一家达拉斯区域性的小型CTS清理公司发展成为分公司遍布全美的大型集团公司。“当你步入犯罪现场时，不要对所做的工作有太多想法，”去年蒂尔曼在接受《马里兰日报》采访时如是说道。“不然的话你将很难适应这份工作。”

Baby-Weave Makers

婴儿假发制造商

babytoupee.com

图片来源：babytoupee.com

What makes a cute baby even cuter? A pink wig a la rap star Lil' Kim, of course. At least that's the premise of Baby Toupee, the California-based small business that provides "small wigs for small people." The little guys can also wear the famous hair of Donald Trump, Bob Marley, or Samuel L. Jackson. And if you want the full Lil' Kim look for your infant, baby heels are available too from Heelarious, another small business specializing in baby dress-up.

想让你可爱的小宝宝变得更可人点吗？不妨试试说唱歌手莉儿金（Lil' Kim）的粉红色假发。位于加州的Baby Toupee瞄准的就是这样的商机，这家小型公司专门“为小家伙们定制小型假发”。小娃娃可挑的发型款式还不少，有唐纳德·特朗普（Donald Trump）式，鲍勃·马利（Bob Marley）式，和萨缪尔·杰克逊（Samuel L. Jackson：他不是光头吗？）式。如果你想把自己的宝宝打扮得更像莉儿金一点，还可以从Heelarious公司购买婴儿高跟鞋，Heelarious也是一家专门生产婴儿服饰妆扮的公司。

Cooling Ties

凉爽的领带

Courtesy of Kafka’s Kool Ties

图片来源：Kafka’s Kool Ties

It turns out Arizona's heat is good for something: innovation. Just ask Steve Kafka, the inventor of Kafka's Kool Ties. Using a special polymer originally used in golf courses to absorb water, the Kool Tie is activated by soaking in water. The polymer crystals in the tie can absorb up to 400 times their weight and release the moisture over two or three days, keeping you cool for days at a time. The tie also helps relieve headaches and is used for people with multiple sclerosis and menopausal women. Sold at REI stores around the nation, each tie is only $10.

事实证明，亚利桑那的酷热至少能让生意人的头脑更灵活点，比如Kafka's Kool Ties公司的创始人斯蒂夫·卡夫卡（Steve Kafka）就从其中找到了创新的灵感。卡夫卡使用一种特殊的聚合物去生产领带，这种聚合物原本是高尔夫球场用来吸水用的。他生产的Kool Tie领带可以通过浸在水中被活化，领带上的聚合物晶体能吸收自身重量400倍的水份，并在两至三天内保持湿润。戴上这样的领带能让你整天保持凉爽，而且它还可以缓解头疼。对于那些身患多发性硬化症（multiple sclerosis）的病人和更年期的女性来说，Kool Tie领带非常适用。全美国的REI商场里都能买到这样的领带，每条售价仅10美元。

Virtual-Dating Assistants

虚拟交友助手

virtualdatingassistants.com

图片来源：virtualdatingassistants.com

We outsource everything from manufacturing to child-rearing, so why not our online-dating life? According to Scott Valdez, managing your online-dating profiles is practically a part-time job. That's why he came up with Virtual Dating Assistants (ViDA), based in Atlanta. The company targets the busy professional who just doesn't have time to keep up with the details of online dating, but doesn't want to give up searching for a mate. With almost 50 clients, ViDA gets key information about each customer, starts an online dating profile at appropriate dating sites, and contacts the clients when it receives responses from people they might like. Virtual Dating Assistants do have their limits, of course--they won't go on the date for you.

业务外包俨然已成为当下的时尚之举，大到制造业，小到子女抚养，似乎一切皆可外包，但如果有人说约会也可以外包，你会怎么想？用斯科特·巴尔德斯（Scott Valdez）的话来说，管理自己的网络交友档案简直就是浪费时间，这也是为什么他会创办虚拟交友助手（Virtual Dating Assistants：ViDA）公司的原因。这家总部位于亚特兰大的公司其目标客户是那些繁忙的专业人士，他们没时间应付网络交友的繁琐细节，却又不想放弃寻找伴侣的机会。ViDA公司现在约有50个客户，在知晓这些客户的关键信息后，ViDA就会在合适的网站上搜索交友档案，在收到对方的回应后再进行接触。当然，虚拟交友助手也有局限之处，毕竟他们没办法代替你去约会。

Retro Baking

复古烘培商店

www.bakeitpretty.com

图片来源：bakeitpretty.com

If you yearn to replicate the old-school look of Betty Crocker in an apron, then look no further than suppliers like Bake It Pretty who sell creative bakeware with a touch of '50s nostalgia. From flower-pattern baking cups to vintage-inspired party supplies, this site is all about retro appeal. Started by Amanda Krueger in 2006 as an online store, it was expanded into a retail shop in North Carolina.

如果你渴望围上一条围裙重现当年贝蒂妙厨（Betty Crocker）经典的学院派厨艺，恐怕求助于Bake It Pretty这样的网络供应商是解决问题的最好方式，他们出售的烘焙用具明显带有上世纪五十年代的怀旧气息。不仅如此，从花朵图案的焗杯到古典的派对用品，这家网站出售的复古商品简直让人无法抗拒。网店的前身是阿曼达·克鲁格（Amanda Krueger）2006年创办的一家在线商铺，现在已经扩张成北卡罗来纳的一家零售商店。

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