当你被冤枉的时候，你会怎么做

“I’ve been loved, I’ve been left.

   “我曾经爱过，我已经离开了，

I’ve been wronged by the best.

  我被我最爱的人冤枉了，

I’ve had hopes that were shattered in two.

  我曾经想把那一切分成两半，

I’ve heard promises spoken,

  我听到了曾经许下的曾诺，

I’ve had dreams left so broken,

  我曾幻想离开就可以伤害他人，

There was no chance they’d ever come true.”

  但是再也没有实现的机会了。

~Country singer Terri Clark

- 乡村歌手  特里.克拉克

Have you ever felt like there must be a hidden conspiracy against you? Somehow people know just how to make you feel hurt, angry, insulted, let down, disappointed, abandoned, betrayed. They break up with you, fire you, leave you, or humiliate you. The bottom line: you’ve been wronged!

  你是否曾经感觉到周围存在着对你不利的阴谋呢？有一些人知道如何使你受伤，生气，受辱，失信，失望，放弃，背叛。他们和你断绝关系，开除你，离开你，或者羞辱你。而归根结底是：你被冤枉了！

Or have you?

  还是真的是你？

Granted, people do not always behave in exemplary ways. But if you feel you’ve been wronged, the situation deserves a closer look. Certainly, you can confront the transgressor, contemplate revenge, or hold a grudge forever. However, if your life is motivated by the quest for lasting happiness and peace, feeling wronged offers you the perfect opportunity to illuminate a mental habit or emotional windstorm that isn’t serving you.

  但是，人们是不会以典型的方式来表现的。但是如果你感觉自己被冤枉了，这种情况应该要好好的观察一下。当然，你可能被认为是罪人，一心想着雪耻，或者是抱恨终生。无论如何，如果你的生活史出于追求长久的幸福和宁静，那么被人冤枉为你提供了一个完美的机会来照射出你的心理习性或者是情感风暴，但是这不是为你服务。

Let’s face it, feeling wronged feels terrible. Most of the time, anyway. It’s like a red hot fire that burns in our minds and hearts about what absolutely should not have happened. It is rigid, harsh, and often all-consuming. And maybe a little delicious? Isn’t there a part of us that loves being right? There’s something eerily satisfying about cutting down the perpetrator which inflates the belief that our own world view is beyond reproach.

  让我们来面对他，被人冤枉感觉很不好受。反正大部分时间都是这样。它就像一团炽热的火球在你的心里燃烧并想着不该发生的事情却发生了。它刚性，粗糙，并且经常想要吞噬一切。或许有时候是可口的？对于我们的一部分人来说，爱不是正确的吗？有一件事是怪异的，当我们杀死那些让我们信仰膨胀的犯罪者，我们会感到很满足，因为我们自己的世界观是无可非议的。

Holding on to a story of having been wronged by someone keeps us stuck in a dark and lonely hole – and digging ourselves out takes thoughtfulness and self-reflection. Let’s dismantle what it means to feel wronged so you can reclaim the natural state of peace, ease, and freedom.

  用一个故事来说明一下当我们被某人冤枉时，我们一直被陷在黑暗和孤独的洞里，我们要考思虑和反省把自己拉出来。让我们先排除被冤枉的意思，这样你就能回到自然的平静，祥和，和自由的状态。

The story:

   故事：

“I believe someone did something to me that they shouldn’t have done.”

   “我相信有人对我做了不该做的事情。”

The truth:

  事实：

Resisting reality is a recipe for suffering, and one form of resistance is to believe that something that actually occurred shouldn’t have. As long as you continue to hold onto this belief, you will continue to feel the fire of being wronged.

  对抗现实是治疗痛苦的一个处方，而其中的一种对抗形式是相信某些事情事实上并没有发生。只要你一直坚持这个信仰，你就会继续燃烧被冤枉的怒火。

The truth is that challenging circumstances arise in life, and sometimes they involve how other people behave toward you. You may have strong feelings about the situation, you may wish it hadn’t happened, you may contemplate seeking revenge; but, the reality is what happened happened.

  事实就是，我们生命中面临挑战的机会越来越多，有时候他还包括别人对你表现出来的各种行为。或许你对这种情形的感觉很强烈，或许你会祈祷不要发生，或许你会寻找机会报仇，但是，事实就是发生过的事情就是已经发生的。

Inquire deeply into this thought: it shouldn’t have happened. How can you know? What is your evidence? How does feeding it affect you? Does it take you to happiness or suffering? You will discover that you are putting a lot of energy into believing a thought that isn’t actually true and doesn’t support your well being. Now you have a choice.

  深刻研究这个想法：它肯定没有发生过。你怎么知道呢？你的看法是什么呢？那种感觉对你的影响是什么？它给你带来的是快乐还是痛苦？你会发现你花费很多的时间去相信一个原本不是事实的想法，却没有支持你真正的想法。现在你有一个选择。

Consider using your precious attention to focus on supportive thoughts and penetrating questions rather than conclusions that keep you bitter and closed. Allow yourself to melt into openness and possibility.

   细想把你最宝贵的注意力投放到你支持的想法中，并逐渐渗透问题，而不是让你感到痛苦和自闭的结论中。让自己融入到开放性和可能性中。

The conclusion:

  结论：

“I am right; the other person is wrong.”

   “我是正确的，其他人都是错误的”。

The truth:

  事实是：

Taking a position and adhering to it vehemently is never going to lead to happiness. If you unquestionably believe that you are right, you are not open to seeing things clearly.

  选取一个姿态，并相信他永远不会带来幸福。如果你无可非议的相信你是对的，那么你就没有办法把事情看的很清楚。

Our human minds love categorizing. It’s one of the ways we make sense of the world. The problem with categories like right or wrong is that they constrain and oversimplify – reality rarely fits into such a neat package. So if you are not right and the other person is not wrong, what are the other options?

  人类的大脑是喜欢分类的。这是我们看清整个世界的一种方法。分类带来的问题是，例如正确或者错误都是它的约束和过于简单化。事实上并不适合这样一个简洁的打包。所以，当你不是正确的，而其他的人不是错误的，那么其他的选择是什么呢？

Try compassion and understanding. Can you have compassion for yourself for the emotions you are experiencing? Rather than thinking you are right, can you accept that you feel sad or afraid? Can you see why the other person may have behaved the way they did? Is it possible that, at some level, they were acting from fear? Can you accept that the world isn’t perfect and that we aren’t always expressing our most virtuous selves?

  尝试着去同情和了解。你是否对你自己有过同情的情感呢？与其说认为你是对的，你能接受你感觉到伤心和害怕吗？你能看清楚其他的人所表现出来的行为吗？可能的话，在某些程度上，他们是出于恐惧吗？你能接受世界不是完美的，而我们没有办法经常表现真实的自我吗？

Standing in the position of being right is going to keep you feeling wronged forever. Step to the side, open your mind and heart, and see things deeply as they are.

  站在正确的位置会让你感觉一辈子受人冤枉。单独走到一边，打开你的心胸，你就能看到事情更深的一个层面。

The identity:

  身份：

“I am a victim.”

   “我是一名受害者”。

The truth:

  事实：

If you believe that someone wronged you, you have identified yourself as a victim, and you are allowing your happiness to be held hostage by someone else’s behavior. You are passive and disempowered.

  如果你相信有人冤枉了你，那么你已经承认你是一名受害者，那么你已经允许把你的快乐抵押在某些人的行为中。那么你就变得被动并且毫无重要性。

How to get out of this hole? Take responsibility for your own healing. Find your inner courageous explorer who is larger and wiser than your vengeful victim. Look inside yourself with tenderness and honesty to see what was triggered in you.

  如何让你从这个坑出来呢？对你自己的健康负责。把你内心深处的探险因子找出来，它比你的复仇心理强大和聪明。看看是什么触发了你内心的温柔和诚实。

Befriend your feelings and the inner child who is feeling them. Ask yourself what the deepest, most hurt part of you really needs and offer it wholeheartedly. Let yourself grieve in your own loving embrace.

   善待你的情感和内心的感受。问一下你自己，是什么才能把你伤得最深，和你自己真正需要的服务和帮助是什么？让你自己用爱包围你自己。

Focus on yourself in a positive and caring way and not on continuing the hurtful drama. No longer a victim, you can get on with the business of enjoying your life.

  让自己专注于一个积极和富有同情心的道路，而不是让自己继续活在被伤的戏剧中。不再是受害者，你可以继续做你生命中你喜欢做的事情。

The feelings:

  感觉：

“I feel sorry for myself.”

  “我对自己感到抱歉”。

The truth:

  事实：

Shift your perspective from self-pity to self-learning. This situation that you reacted to so strongly happened, so use it well. Reflect deeply to see what initially drew you to this person and why you were so affected.

  把你的观点从自怜转移到自我学习。在这种情况下，你会对发生过的事情作出强烈的反应，所以要好好的用它。深刻的反应会让你看清当初是谁把你牵引进来的并且为什么你会如此受影响。

Consider if there might be a grain of truth in what was said or expressed. Is your reaction a way to avoid admitting something important to yourself? What can this situation teach you about opening your heart – to yourself, others, and the tenderness of being human?

  考虑一下别人说的一些东西或者表达的一些东西是有道理的。你的反应是不是一种拒绝让自己承认某些对你来说很重要的事情呢？这些情况可以教你敞开心扉去感受你自己，他人，或者是那些温柔的人吗？

Put aside the whole story of being wronged and victimized, then have an honest, heartfelt conversation with yourself asking what you really want your life to be about.

把那些被冤枉和成为受害者的故事放一边，然后和自己有一个诚实的，真诚的对话，问一下你自己在生命中你最想要的是什么？

What to do when you’ve been wronged? Like a carnival ride, find your way through the twists and turns to return to yourself, to peace, to the wonder of this precious existence.

  当你被冤枉的时候你会怎么做？就像一次奇幻的旅程，通过迂回曲折的道路回归你自己，回归到宁静，回归到奇迹存在的地方。

I’d love to hear about your experiences with feeling wronged. Any insights you’d like to share?

  我想听一听当你们被冤枉时的感觉。你想要和我们分享怎样的洞察力呢？